Joke 'O the Day

Post a funny story that happened to you, a joke you liked or just something that made you laugh.
Racist jokes aren't permitted here please.
Blonde jokes are allowed.
You don't have to post a joke here to comment on something.
I'll think of one in a bit for an example...

Haha, I love dumb blonde jokes.

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table,
exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the centre is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

Haha, Very good Madi! Never heard that one.

Okay so there are three men working on a fifty story building, an Irishman, a hispanic man and a blonde man. They sit down on the scaffolding and open up their lunches.

"Beef and cabbage again!" The Irish man exclaims, "If I get this for lunch one more time I'm going to jump off this thing."

The hispanic man opens his lunch box and says, "Enchiladas! If I get this for lunch tomorrow I'll jump right beside you."

The blonde guy opens up his lunchbox. "A baloney sandwhich! If I have this for lunch tomorrow I'll jump off this thing with both of you guys."

Next day the Irishman finds beef and cabbage in his lunch box and jumps off the scaffolding. The hispanic man finds Enchiladas and jumps swiftly off the scaffolding. The blonde man finds another sandwhich and follows them.

At the funeral the wives of the dead men step forward.

The Irishman's wife steps up and says sadly, "If I had known he didn't like beef and cabbage I could have made him something else and he would still be here today."

The hispanics wife comes and says, "I could have made him other things. I didn't know he didn't like Enchiladas."

Everyone looks at the blonde guys wife. She back at them and said simply, "Don't look at me! He made his own lunch!"

Haha, that was hilariousxD

Mother In Law=Woman Hitler

Lol tell me if your offended by this or you think its racist and I'll remove it...

Lol have fun Madi!

Note: This joke isn't mine.

What my friend told me at the cafeteria.

Don't touch:
My hair
My money
My guy
My phone!

I thought it was funny....

A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The guy says, "That sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later, he returns to the bar in worse condition. "I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender says, "Why don't you try shaving the mane?"

A few months later the guy is back. "I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!"

The bartender yells, "Just measure the damn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The guy storms out of the bar.

The next day, the guy runs into the bar. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Oh wow. Haha. Very nice Madi. :D :lol:

(Hi, this was really confusing to me...but)

There is a magical box that doubles its contents every minute. You put 5 beans in the box. One hour later, the box was full. When was it half full?

at half an hour=1,500. :?:

let me do it again...
I know the answer but i want the others to guess....

Yeah, that seems like a good idea.
I have plenty of more 'riddles' so feel free!

Here's a riddle. Okay you have nine balls, 8 weigh 1 ounce the other weighs nine ounces. You can't tell them apart by picking them up. You have a balance scale. You can only use the balance scale twice. How can you find the heavier ball...


Pm me your answer I can tell you if your right or wrong. (Don't want to spoil it for everyone else.)

What's in the church but not the steeple, the preacher has it but not the people?
I heard this one in a joke book.

Arthritis :D

Um no, need a hint?

I am a tease alaska. :D

and no that is not my final answer (which i'll pm you)

OK, once you get it right, it's so obvious!

I have 3 items to share!

RIDDLE:

A couple went out to eat one day at a fancy restaurant. The woman and man were picky, so they did not eat anything. As they walked to the front desk after eating, the man slipped a note to the cashier. The note had seven numbers written on it - 1004180. The cashier studied this for a while, then let the couple exit the restaurant without paying. Why did he do this?

ANSWER: 1 = I, 0 = owe, 0 = nothing, 4 = for, 1 = I, 8 = ate, 0 = nothing.

JOKES:

~ "Cleaning with a dog in the house,
is like brushing your teeth while
eating Oreos."

~ "One student says, 'Dude, how did it go with the counciler?'
His friend replies/does, '*bangs head on wall* SHE SAID IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE SOME ISSUES.' "

My little brother dared me to see if I can fit into a trash can. (It hadn't been used.) I climbed in and he locked me in for five minutes while I had a claustrohbic panic attack.

Ah!! Creepy llama nightmares!! Lol

How is it the only dog I know with OCD is MINE!

I was sitting on the couch, watching TV. It was a show about like, Outer Space and junk like that. (xD) So, I decided to lean to my side and put my hand on my head in a comfy position. My hand was over one of my ears. So I was watching TV like a lazy person too lazy to change the channel, and I asked my sister, "-----, can chu turn up the volume? I feel like I'm deaf in one ear."

FAAAAAAIL

Lol. Y'all see the three wolves up top. Note I am picking on you kage, I do like the picture. I just had really funny thoughts running through my mind when I saw it and I wanted to share.
First wolf-far right- come on boys lets make a good picture. Homeward bound!
Second wolf middle. Looks like he's giving a demonic cheese! For the picture.
Third wolf-left. I have no clue but his chin/lower jaw looks funny. Like those drill sergeants with a big chin or something in the cartoons lol.